


peter parker and tony stark do a WIRED autocomplete interview

by ginger__snapped



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Not Canon Compliant, and enjoy, angst free folks, endgame? - Freeform, pretty much crack, so happy holidays, soft, this is..., whos she?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21947998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger__snapped/pseuds/ginger__snapped
Summary: its all in the title babeyits fluff and crack blended together
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Michelle Jones (mentioned), Tony Stark/Pepper Potts (mentioned)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 271
Collections: Spider-Man Public Identity Reveal





	peter parker and tony stark do a WIRED autocomplete interview

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Late_June](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Late_June/gifts).



The video starts with Tony and Peter sitting next to each other, Tony dressed in black jeans, a vintage styled Iron Man shirt, and a grey and black blazer. 

Peter was seated next to him, looking completely at ease in black ripped skinny jeans and a jean jacket over a shirt with a rainbow equal sign. 

Tony raised an eyebrow at Peter when he brought his foot up yet  _ again _ to retie his Converse. 

“And...we’re rolling!” 

“Hi,” Tony said dryly. “I’m Tony Stark, and this is Peter Parker-” He looked over to see that Peter was still tying his shoe. “-And Peter Parker, who apparently never learned to tie his shoes.”

Peter spluttered, looking up and shooting Tony a glare. 

“I’ll have you know that I know  _ exactly  _ how to make the bunny go through the loop, thank you very much,” he said indignantly, crossing his arms. 

“Not helping your case, kid.”

The camera zoomed in on Peter rolling his eyes before cutting to another scene. 

“We’re doing the-” Peter started, motioning for Tony to continue. 

Tony looked up, met Peter’s eyes, and shrugged. 

Peter huffed. 

“WIRED Autocomplete Interview,” the boy finished, giving the camera a Done Look. 

“First board!” Peter exclaimed as he caught the cardboard tossed to him. “What is Tony Stark?”

He grinned, looking over at Tony. 

“Kid, please, spare me and everyone else your fanboying and get on with the questions. Pepper and I have date night later.”

“Date night’s tomorrow,” Peter said absently, staring intently at a loose thread on his jeans. “Plus, you just don’t want your reputation to be ruined.”

Peter froze for a moment, and then looked up suddenly. The camera zoomed in on his face as he went through a series of realizations.

“Oh, shit, date night  _ is  _ today.” Peter closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “My brain cell is having a hard time today.”

Tony patted Peter’s back, trying to hold back his laughter. 

“Anyways, moving on from that, the first question!”

“Finally,” Tony muttered, earning a gentle smack from Peter. 

“What is Tony Stark real name?”

“Anthony Edward Stark,” Tony said dryly. “But if you call me that, I’ll punch you in the face.”

“Okay, Anthony,” Peter said, grinning cheekily. 

“Kid, I will punch you.”

“No you won’t.” Peter looked into the camera. “He won’t. He loves me too much.”

Tony let out a mock gasp. 

“Hey! Don’t make me look soft!”

“You  _ are  _ soft. Anyway! We’re never getting through this interview at this rate.” He pulled off the next strip, smiling slightly. “What is Tony Stark girlfriend?”

“It would be  _ who,  _ not  _ what _ , but I’m a taken man,” Tony said, smirking and holding up his hand. “Married to the amazing Pepper Stark for two years now.”

“They’re so freaking adorable,” Peter interjected. “OTP of all time.”

The camera zoomed in on Tony’s face this time, obvious confusion on his face. 

Meanwhile, Peter was still going on about how cute Tony and Pepper were. 

The video cut again to Peter ripping off the next strip and flicking it into Tony’s face. 

“What is Tony Stark like?”

“A dick,” Peter said, nodding solemnly. 

Tony gasped. 

“Who taught you to swear like that?” Tony asked, mock offense lacing his tone. 

“Mr. Stark,” Peter started. “I go to high school.”

“Who taught you kids to swear like that?” 

Peter stared into the camera. “Obama,” he said, monotone. He stared for a second longer before breaking into laughter, Tony fondly rolling his eyes. 

“Anyway,” Tony said, ripping off the next one. 

“Oi!” Peter exclaimed. “My job, old man!”

“I,” Tony started, “am not  _ old _ .”

Peter was silent for a second. 

“Ok boomer,” he whispered. “Moving on! What is Tony Stark address? Oh! 123 Fuck Off Street! Thanks for asking!” 

Peter sent a finger gun towards the camera before throwing the board away. 

“This is going to be so heavily bleeped,” Tony said wearily. 

“And we’re only on the first board!” Peter chirped, shifting so that he was seated cross-legged on the chair. 

“Oh, it’s my turn now. Okay. Who is Peter Parker?” 

He turned to the camera, giving it a look. 

“Right. Who is Peter Parker-” He grinned. “That’s the question. Just ‘who is he?’ Amazing.” 

“I’m an eighteen year old failure from Queens, who got bit by a spider and ended up in this…” He waved his arm around, searching for a word. “Shitshow,” he said. 

“Well that’s not very nice. True, but not very nice.” 

“So you agree that I’m a failure?” 

“What? No! You’re not,” Tony reassured, looking down at the board. Peter turned to the camera, jerking his thumb back at Tony, mouthing “soft.” 

“Next. Who are Peter Parker parents?” 

“Dead. Moving on,” Peter said. Tony stared at him. “Okay. I’ll elaborate. My biological parents died. Tony and my aunt share custody -  _ shared  _ custody. I’m a grown ass adult now and I make my own decisions.” 

“And yet you called me last night asking how to make pasta,” Tony said dryly. 

Peter flushed. “I was  _ tired _ .” 

“Excuses, excuses,” Tony tutted. “Who is Peter Parker girlfriend?” 

Peter’s face lit up. “Okay, so first, MJ - she’s amazing and beautiful and independent and I love her so frickin much, but second, that was very heterosexual of you to assume that I was straight. Always ask if someone has a SO - significant other - not girlfriend/boyfriend. Keep it gender neutral, guys, gals, and non-binary pals.” He finger-gunned again, grinning. “Thank you to Thomas Sanders for that, and this has been my TED talk. Thanks for coming.” 

Tony grinned fondly, ripping the next paper off. “Who is Peter Parker real life dating?” 

Peter gave a quizzical look. 

“Um. In real life? This is? Real life? That...that makes me uncomfortable. Slightly. But...still MJ. I’m assuming.” 

Tony tossed the board away. 

“Okay!” Peter exclaimed. “Why is Tony Stark?”

“Oh god,” Tony grumbled. 

“Why is Tony Stark so rich?” 

“My father,” Tony said grimly. “Unlike some people, I will fully admit that I was given passage in life and started out inheriting my father’s company. I will also say that I have made my own way in the world. But that’s a whole other story.”

“Very deep, bro,” Peter said sincerely. 

“I told you  _ not  _ call me bro,” Tony said. 

Peter grinned, ripping off the next paper. 

“Why is Tony Stark so important?”

“Please-” Tony said before Peter could open his mouth. “Spare us. I’m simply a pawn in the game of life, as we all are, I just was born into… different circumstances, I suppose.” 

“He go vroom,” Peter whispered. 

“Kid, I swear-”

“Next! Why is Tony Stark dead?”

Peter’s brow furrowed, glancing between the board, Tony, and the camera. 

“I...He’s right...he’s next to me? He’s not dead? Um, like, are y’all okay? He live. He go in oxygen out CO2.”

“Yes,” Tony said, shaking his head slightly. “I am alive. Ish. This kid gives me gray hairs every day though, so life expectancy is ehhh on my part.”

Peter pouted. 

“And...Why is Tony Stark not Iron Man?”

“Because I have a daughter and back pain,” Tony said dryly, leaning back in the chair. 

“Valid,” Peter said. 

Tony took the next board, hitting Peter over the head with it.

“Oof.”

Tony rolled his eyes.

“What is Peter Parker? Alright. What is Peter Parker from?”

“I am from an egg and a sperm, and that is all I will reveal,” Peter said, nodding once. 

Tony made a face. 

“What is Peter Parker IQ?”

“Zero,” Peter said, looking dead into the camera.

“Not true, but alright.” 

Peter laughed. 

“What is Peter Parker full name?”

“Peter None-of -your-business Parker,” he sassed, snapping his fingers. “I’m just kidding. It’s Peter Benjamin Parker.” 

“Okay!” Tony exclaimed. “We’re done!”

“Noooooo,” Peter groaned, throwing his head back. “I have a paper to write and I don’t want to.” 

He grinned when he was handed another board, watching as Tony slowly sat back down, resignation on his face. 

“Ooo! These are about Iron Man!”

“Oh help me,” Tony muttered. 

“What is iron man name?”

“I mean, I’m Tony Stark. Iron Man is Iron Man. Simple.”

Peter rolled his eyes. 

“Why is Iron Man red?”

“Because I wanted to make it fun and exciting. Because if I’m going to slay my enemies, gotta look good.”

Peter snorted. 

“Why is Iron Man cool? Because he’s Tony fucking Stark, y’all. He’s married to Pepper Potts. And he knows me, so instant Cool Points.”

Tony shook his head, staring into the camera. 

“And finally, who is iron man AI?”

“Classified,” Tony said, as Peter exclaimed “Friday!”

Tony made a noise of protest, Peter grinning behind the board. 

“Rude,” Tony huffed, snatching the board and exchanging it for Peter’s. 

“Aw, this is the last one,” Peter said, shifting and throwing his feet onto Tony’s lap. 

“Okay, one, get your feet off of me, and two, good, because I can only take so much of you.”

“That, my dude, is what I call an unfunky and uncool thing.” 

“You are such a strange little things,” Tony muttered. 

“No, I’m just part of Gen Z and want to die.”

Tony’s face morphed into one of horror, and Peter made a face, looking into the camera. 

“He hates it when I say that,” he stage whispered. “But he doesn’t know that we all do it.” He winked into the camera, then turned back to Tony. 

“You are so fucking weird.” Tony sighed. “Anyway, Spider-Man. What is Spider-Man name?”

“Spider-Man. You got it, kid!”

Tony shook his head in find exasperation. “Who is Spider-Man?”

“Il est moi,” Peter said in an overexaggerated French accent. “Oh-la-la!” 

“You are terrible. A terrible person,” Tony said, his head falling into his hands. 

“But you love me!” Peter sang. 

“Somehow. Alright. Why is Spider-Man only in New York?”

“That’s...not quite true - I’ve gone out fro Avengers stuff. But also, I’m a senior in high school and gay, so one, I’m not going anywhere else, and two, I Cannot Drive.”

“He can’t,” Tony said, shaking his head. “Nearly crashed my car.”

Peter grimaced. “It was bad.”

“Moving on from that horrific incident, what is Spider-Man ability?”

“That’s actually classified. But I’ll tell you that I do not lay eggs, as a surprisingly high number of people have asked me. Just wanna clear that up, if anyone had any misconceptions.” 

Tony laughed. “Okay! That’s it! Thank you guys, I’m so sorry about him, he’s a lot. Next time I won’t bring him,” he said, lowering his voice. 

“I can still hear you,” Peter said dryly.

“Good. You’re a little bastard gremlin and I can’t take you anywhere, I swear.”

The video cuts to black just as Peter lets out an indignant “Hey!”

**Author's Note:**

> :D  
> my [tumblr](https://ginger--snapped.tumblr.com/)


End file.
